| 1 | Intro: I Still Say That REGRET Instruction Manual Issue 2 Was My Best Album And I Wish It Wasn't So Overlooked. | 1:19 | ||
| 2 | And If I Had No Real Job And No Mortgage Payment, Maybe I Could Also Sit Around Making Music All Day And Have A Release Every Other Month. | 3:21 | ||
| 3 | I've Really Lost It Because This Shit Is Starting To Sound Like A Washed-Up, Half-Assed Fatboy Slim Ripoff With A Twelve Year Old's Sense Of Humor. | 1:50 | ||
| 4 | An Open Letter To Underground Music, Those Who Review It And Those Who Use It As A Symbol Of Their Individuality. | 3:14 | ||
| 5 | I Will Make Up For A Lifetime Of Fucking Chicks Poorly By Having The Mosty Diverse CD Collection In The World. | 1:56 | ||
| 6 | Pointing Out Your Elitist Superiority Complex Through Your Track Titles. | 0:57 | ||
| 7 | To Clarify, The Only Thing I Gained From This Relationship Was 15 Lbs. | 3:21 | ||
| 8 | Legacy Of Stretch Marks, The. | 3:07 | ||
| 9 | First Chance I Get I Am Licensing This Track To A Car Commercial Or Video Game, So Fuck You And Your No Sell Out, Anti-Establishment Posturing, Or Some Such In Your Face Remark Of That Sort. | 3:16 | ||
| 10 | Making Songs About Drinking Is Something Very Original And I Think It Will Expand My Musical Horizons Since I Have Never Made One Before. | 2:29 | ||
| 11 | A Funny Sample And Bad Guitar Loop Do Not A Song Make. | 3:26 | ||
| 12 | Dear ________, Thank You For Attempting To Never Talk To Me Again. | 2:21 | ||
| 13 | Someday You Are Going To Have A Party, And I Will Make A Point To Come Poop All Over It So You Can Know How It Feels. | 2:36 | ||
| 14 | Please Don't Stand Behind Me And Make Those Stupid Noises With Your Mouth That You Seem To Think Indicate To Me That You Are Thinking. | 1:16 | ||
| 15 | Soundtrack For Nonexistent/Imaginary Midwest Underground Hardcore Electronic Scene. | 3:46 | ||
| 16 | Outro: Close Enough Only Counts In Horseshoes And My Music, And Could I Get Anymore Self Righteous? | 2:02 |