What you are holding is a compilation of "found" songs that range from the hilarious to the downright disturbing. You have never heard a record like this - make sure that, upon initial listen, you are sitting down and that your mouth is clear of liquids or food. This is the greatest 7" that you will ever own. Period. On with the poorly defined 'liner notes'.......
SIDE ONE: I decided to start things off shotgun-style, both due to your short attention span and my favoring the general approach. Within seconds of placing the needle, After Dark have answered the all too common question "What would happen if I had a spinal meningitis-induced nightmare starring Bobby McFerrin, Michael Winslow, an a cappella Quiet Storm outfit, and a Toto cover with screwed-up lyrics?" Thank god that's over. As if we needed proof that the population was getting krazier and krazier, Hearts Pursuit check in next with an audio documentary about truly dangerous home recorders with retail crushes. Recalling Gary Wilson's classic "6.4 = Makeout," "You Are So Precious To Me" effortlessly alternates between a threat, a proposition, and a casual sentiment, but never, ever strays very far from the "Apartment-Complex-Behind-A-Dilapidated-Chucky-Cheese-Restaurant" genre of music. SIDE TWO: Providing that you actually got up to flip this over, you will first be assaulted with "The K-Mart Rap" by Dos Power Surge, who grossly belie their chosen name with a forty-seven second hallucination authored by an unemployed advertising exec who just lost a game of "Mr. Pharmacist." Well.........maybe. Please take note of the indecipherable second verse. Brethren only in brevity, the dubiously named Tom and Dad follow with "Mexican Food Samba," which embeds the following scenario in my head: "Tom" enjoys weekends with "Dad," who puts his child exploitation skills to work for you. "Dad" is a lonely man with plenty of spare time for loitering in retail outlets that have yet to post his picture behind the counter. Maybe. For better or for worse, the third track is by a man named Tom Sirard, and it's called, get this, "The Bar." A mind-shatteringly vague look at a jingle writer as he reads the welcoming mat to his first nervous breakdown. He is also in a band called Free Time. The Last Track: Spaz Monkey "I've Gone Insane" - More so than the previous "finds," I believe this one to be very sincere..........a very sincere show of uncensored stupidity. The "cold war" nature of the lyrics suggest that it may have been recorded sometime during the 80's, or maybe this guy has been in his parent's bedroom since Red Dawn premiered on daytime cable. Your choice.
This series (fake?) is a tribute to the monuments of gray-area audio/verite' that have surfaced over the past few decades: The Winners Of The World's Worst Rap Contest 7" (fake?), Raymond and Peter present: Shut Up Little Man (fake?), The Black Sabbath riot LP (fake?), Gary Wilson's You Think You Really Know Me? LP (fake?) Damian Jurado's Postcards and Audio Letters (fake?), Dion McGregor Dreams Again (fake?), the telephone interview with Howard Hughes on 60 Minutes (fake!!), the Venom seven inch and much that was "acquired" for the Celebrities At Their Worst series (fake? fake! not fake). The list could flow like inanities from your tireless lips........but I'm not going to let it.
-Sheraton Giles Palermo
Tracks originally compiled by Eloise Lurker, Talent Scout. This particular record was compiled and produced by Sheraton Giles Palermo.
Barcode and Other Identifiers
- Matrix / Runout: 1 106748
- Matrix / Runout: 2 106749